break up diaries

Mood: contemplative
Listening to: is this love - bossa n' marley

Day 2:

from the moment of the break up until yesterday morning i would just cry... and i mean bloody cry. until now my eyes are still puffy from the aftershock. i would cry to put myself to sleep, i would cry the first thing i open up my eyes. i cried during the mass while i was praying. i asked my mom to call me so i can cry some more. i remembered the time i came home to my mom crying with a large bump over my forehead, but that pain was more bearable i guess.

for some reason i just wanted to clear things out. i sent him a message telling him that i was really grateful for the gift of him. and that i'm sorry for my shortcomings. that i still loved him and that i'm terribly hurting, but if being with him means i'm going to go through all that pain again.. then i guess it's better this way. he replied with pretty much the same thing. and then i called him simply to just cry...

day 3:

you know that stage in the recovery phase where you'd do anything just to get that person back? is that called desperation? well i wanted answers to the questions that are left hanging in my head and honestly a part of me wanted him back.

the morning of day 3, i asked if he wanted to meet up to talk. he agreed. i brought with me the things he left with me. a really interesting book (that i haven't finished yet) and a dvd. when i was in his arms i just gave in and cried once more. i'm not crying because i wanted pity, i'm not using it to get him back either. it's just merely a non-verbal expression of how i feel, they're not fake either.

we just laid there just silent in each others arm, and me just "leaking in the face" (-ant bully).. we talked... about us... about what happend. i just needed an explanation why that happened. and well.. he didn't know why. and that explains a lot. i guess he just got tired. like i thought i did.

after that, on the way home and even after going home.. no more tears... perhaps this is the beginning of moving on... perhaps what i needed were just answers to my questions.

i'm ready to move on now. i know i'll be ok. there's nothing wrong with being single anyway. we may or may not get back together, but whatever happen, i know i he helped me grow up. i know i'm not gonna be my old self again.

thanks babsy.

the break up....

Mood: Devastating but slowly coping
Listening to: No woman, no cry - bossa n' marley

i log into you tube to upload my brownman video... and i come across this very cute video....
haaay, grabe i'm so depressed... pureza boi and i are over!!!!!! parang nung isang araw lang magkasama kami nung birthday ko. ang saya pa namin nun... see below pics for proof..

These pics were taken 2 days before the breakup.. now it's over.... i miss him and i still love him.. my eyes are still puffy from crying but i guess at this moment that's the only thing i could do.

Paki - DHL sa Pureza

Mood: cold and tired
Listening to: oo - up dharma down
Currently: bitter but not quite

i'm tired... just came home from work.. it's drizzling outside.. well.. ganon talaga. there are gloomy days.
well anyway, since some people don't care about me, i guess since i have friends it would still be fine.
for those who care.. pakisabe naman sa kanya...
I WANT A BF WHO....
- makes me feel loved. hindi lang sa words tsong. actions speak louder. haven't you heard that quote?
- is human (tadu, hindi unggoy ang ibig sabihin ko), tao hindi robot. hindi kaylangan pang utusan para lang may gawin para mapasaya ako. one word: initiative!
-is sensitive.. narerealize nya pag galit ako, pag malungkot ako, pag masaya ako. naffeel nya kung kelan pwede magjjoke, kung kelan kaylangan ko ng hug, kung kelangan ko ng atensyon.. lalo na kung galit ako... at lalo na kung sya ang dahilan.
-is humble.. oo hindi hambog. hindi porke't mahal kita ibig sabihin bulag ako... at please lang mas lalong hindi ako tanga or magpapakatanga for love. dude, ibahin mo si nastassja!
-is thoughtful. hindi lang sa text tsong (that you don't do anyway). kahit mentos na pomelo na mahirap hanapin pero dahil favorite ko to ihahanap moko kahit dos lang ang worth. pero bakit, do you even know na mahilig ako sa mentos na pomelo flavor?
-pays attention to details... narinig mo ba ung tungkol sa mentos na pomelo? mga ganong bagay
-deym! i want someone who pays F*cking attention! sana nakikinig sakin. and i mean understand not just listen
- I want a boy who asks me how my day went, would share w/ my successes and emphatize w/ my pains. yung ganon ba? damnit, the last thing i need is sympathy over trivial stuff.. again.. sana kasi nakikinig sakin di ba?
- who understands that i'm a girl. girls fuss over monthsaries, girls wanna be treated like babies sometimes... the way i understand that boys like poker, boys like oggling at other girls. sana fair di ba?
- who treats me like a princess. oh no, i'm not a high-maintenance chick. hindi ako materyosa.. kayang-kaya ibigay sakin ni pierre ang kaylangan ko (oo matapobre ko, care nyo?). atensyon lang po kaylangan ko. pasensya na, leo ako. naturally KSP.
- has a sense of commitment. someone who can stand by his word. i don't want someone backing out on me (or appointments w/ me) just because his boyfriends have more fun. fine! mag broke back kayo for all i care.
- doesn’t make me wait… all that effort to come on time and be pretty. Tas you come long after our stated meeting time. By that time lusaw na make up ko at mainit na ulo ko.
-checks if I get home safe on days that he doesn’t take me home… I may come strong, but then again, babae pa rin ako.
- has less pride than me. sinabe ko na to dati, sasabihin ko ulet. kung mapride ka, hindi talaga tayo bagay dahil ma-pride ako. that's something nobody can change. like i said, leo ako; sorry na lng. FYI, ang daming beses ko nang nagbaba ng pride. pero maiksi pasensya ko.

..... Para sa mga nagccare talaga. if you're still reading til this point at hindi pa kayo naiinis dahil ang angas ko.. hehe.. well.. favor naman o. Paki print to tas paki-deliver sa pureza. Oo, sa sin city. pero wag kayong maliligaw, sa 2nd floor po wag sa 3rd. Maraming salamat po. Baw!

random blurbs from a girl who can't blog

Mood: indifferent
Listening to: Buttons - Pussycat dolls

because i'm damn too busy i'll just spill like crazy

of work:

i'm overworked the past week.. no exaggerations! i didn't have a day off last week and i stay till 9 at work :(

people say i'm different now.. i've grown up. grown serious.. now i'm not sure if this is a positive thing.

i want a work near my house or a house near my work (pureza?!)

after 3 months i finally had a break to get my long over-due driver's licence

time is more valuable than money

of friends:

happy birthday to jem (yesterday) i really hope things become better soon for you.... konting tiis girl... my wish for you is to have more strength... just holler if you need me ayt?

i miss my sisqos! as in... we super need bonding moments!

of family:

i miss my home... i come home everyday yeah but i never get to spend some quality time with my family anymore.. :(

of love:

to my baby, i love you like allie loves noah.. i love it when i get terribly angry one second with you and superlatively in-love the following. how you do it.. i don't know how. i don't know how you could make me laugh with even the most trivial things. i love it that we're so crazy about each other. love you bading!

of me:

i'm turning 22 next week... yikes.. how time flies.. really creepy...

my wish list:

• maybelline hyper diamonds watershine lipstick in precious copper
• pink and black undies (not that i lack 'em, i just want more)
• monkey things
• that perfume from guess (but i guess no one will get that for me so i'll get it for myself on payday)
• a really expensive pen (which my honey will get for me.. hehe)
• a macbook... eto pa rin hanggang ngayon
• sony bean walkman